This week was for plenty of reading for all of us here (and cupcake eating during snack time). The girls are busying themselves with their books and I have a few of my own. The next step in True's reading is to conquer long vowels. She's got the short sound vowels, blends, and digraphs and now we get to move on. Of course, she still has to work on fluency, but she will get there (and so will Brave) or at least that is what BFF tells me. For those wondering, I used "The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading", which I highly recommend. It is a nice phonics based program that builds skills slowly and has a nice review at the beginning of each new lesson.
As far as my reading, I have started reading the book, "Bringing Up Bébé", which puts American parenting styles versus French parenting. There is a lot of hoopla about it here, here, and here and it got me curious, especially since the bits I was reading online sounded a lot like my own parenting philosophies.
I am really enjoying the read. I know in our home we are quite structured and really value routine. We have done a version of the "cry out" method for each of our girls to sleep through the night and we pretty much follow the same eating philosophy mentioned in the book.
I know when we just had True, my parents had a hard time with our parenting style, particularly the fact that we let our girls cry it out. We even had a big fight about it once. Big! With all the girls so close in age, we have to have structure and find that our girls thrive on structure and balance. I thrive on structure and balance. Sometimes, I wish we were more spontaneous, but we just aren't. When they are given too much of something or too little of something, it really comes out in their behavior and it throws them off.
I know some of you in the past have emailed or asked, "When am I able to blog or make things?" I think since I have always been so structured with the girls, that has allowed me the freedom and time to do those things. The girls up until the age of three all napped twice a day, usually from 10 am-12 pm and 2 pm-5 pm and then still went to bed at 7:30 or 8 at night. Really. The two big girls no longer nap, but Soul still sticks to that same nap schedule. She goes into the crib, I close the door to her room, and she naps. Glow is pretty much on a similar nap schedule, but just a bit longer. During this nap time, I am doing school with the big girls or we are having quiet reading time.
We are very strict about bedtimes too. Not only is it for Ben and me to get some peace and quiet and alone time, but also for them. When they stay up too late, they get cranky and the next day they are cranky and just thrown off kilter. This framework is what works best for our house and our personalities.
I am no parenting expert and I am sure everyone just does what they know and feel is best for their children. We all have to go with our gut. We know our children best and what will work best for them and the wonderful thing is we can also learn a little bit from each other. If any of you have any thoughts about it, I would love to hear!
I am completely on-board in regards to structure. It is perfectly clear to me when Ami is off-schedule because it completely changes his personality. Also, thanks for the "Teaching Reading" book recommendation. I have started to teach Ami vowel sounds and such (he is only four, but I think it's time to start) but I've been looking for a guide to help me help him, ya know?
ReplyDeleteI love structure and am blown away when you said in your email soul still naps twice a day for 2-3 hours at a time! my 15 month old son just seemed to be transitioning into 1 nap around 1PM, but it's been back and forth. I'm thinking I should just establish a 2 naptime routine, because I think he has it in him still! Thanks for sharing your mom-life. I'm learning so much along the way.
ReplyDeleteI am with you on the structure and routine. We are that way too.... but two naps a day until 3??? WHAT?? What am I doing wrong??? I can't believe you had 5 hours of naptime until they were 3! What about after 3? How did you do it? My 2 1/2 year old has given up ALL naps. We do modified cry it out for (Ferber style) for sleep, too. Wow. I'm curious. W/ #3 on the way, I'd love to know how I can make him sleep that much!!!!
ReplyDeletetiffany & colleen- i don't know. it was a schedule we practiced since they were newborns and it kinda stuck. now sometimes, i don't think soul is always napping or that she naps the entire time. sometimes i think she might wake a bit earlier as i can hear her singing or talking to herself sometimes, which i think is good because i think it is important for kids to learn how to entertain themselves too.
ReplyDeletesomedays soul doesn't get those two nap/quiet times (sundays cause of church) and the following day we notice her being obviously more feisty and cranky. i know it sounds long and people are blown away when i tell them. it is just what i have been used to with all of them. she also has her own room so i think that might make a bit of difference.
colleen- i don't think you are doing anything wrong. trust me, i don't have this parenting thing down and i am far from being the perfect parent. i think you are doing what is best for you and best fit for the personality of your child. you just gotta feel it out and carve out what works well for all of you.
ReplyDeleteWhile my baby girls segued to one solid nap at age 1ish and only napped until age 2 or 3, they got a solid 11 to 12 hours sleep every night for many many years. That and structured mealtimes were very healthy for them, and very healthy for us as a couple and family. And, I have some perspective! My girls are now 17 and 20 years old!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting about the book title of how to teach your child to read. I'm not a school teacher but I'm teaching my daughter to read so this book I'm sure will help me a lot. My Julia is also reading the Bob Books. You are so right, Ruby. When I first had my daughter I was reading Baby Wise, this book helped me to set a nap/feeding/sleeping schedule. We also did the "cry out" method for both of our girls, which really worked for our children.
ReplyDeleteI love when you blog about your parenting style Ruby. Thanks for sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteRuby-- I am completely on board with you. I have a very similar parenting style ( from what I've read here ). I'm a huge believer in structure and naps. I believe that my children have benefited greatly from both and because they are rested and secure, change doesn't bother them either. Of course, there are always the hairy, crazy moments here and there, but on a whole, structure has been my best friend as a mama.
ReplyDeleteYou've got me curious about this book now, too : )
thank you for your sweet blog.
All your phodies are always too adorable!! xx :)
ReplyDeleteNice to read your post today. Interesting. :)
ReplyDeleteWow your are really blessed that your kids sleep that much ! I am happy for you ! I also believe in a good routine and a firm bedtime schedule. That is always hard with the family cause they always want them to go to bed later !
ReplyDeleteI think a daily routine is one of the most important things for kids.
ReplyDeleteBut kids could break this routine them self like my daughter does for example.
She is 2 and a half now and goes to the kindergarden. I just want to give her some time to play along with kids in her age and she loves it. My son is nine months now and also sleeps from 9am-10:30am and from 12pm-14:30pm. I pick up my daughter after lunch, at 12pm from kindergarden and in times when her brother was not born yet or much younger and always asleep, she needed to sleep from 12:30pm-15pm. But now I'm not able to make her napping. She plays along and although she is tired of course, she made it through till 7:30.
I would love to have the patience for "crying out". My kids only fell asleep at home when I sit by their side and they still not sleep trough.
But I think as long as the parents are ok with it, it is ok! I love to be at my children side when they fall asleep, just letting them know I'm there. And I'm sure time will come, in one or two years, when they will fall asleep all by their own.
My kids LOVE structure...huge fan and it totally works!! Even at almost 7 (I have twins) they still have roughly the same bedtime as they have had since birth (8pm). Structure=happy kids (or at least mine)! :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Ruby! I live in the US and I am French (but I would never say that French parents are superior to American ones!) and I am all about structure, routines and in general just sticking firmly to the rules we establish. I am also a teacher which may also influence my education style at home ☺ I know that others sometimes more or less silently judge me as too strict (thought we also get tons of praises about our daughter's behavior and eating habits) but I strongly believe that without a 'parent lead education' (versus the very popular in parents our age 'children lead education') children end up feeling lost and anxious. It is also very important to remember that children need happy parents and couples need time without their babies to strenghen their bound ☺ I think I just realized that this similar view may be one other reason why I love you blog so much! As I am about to give birth to a second baby, I love that you reminded us of how important it is for babies to learn to entertain themselves. Thanks so much for this post! I think you may find this article interesting as well:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.designmom.com/2012/02/french-kids-eat-everything/
I am a routine freak.
ReplyDeleteNEED it.
We all function much better when we know what is expected.
that said...baby number 4, for me, taught me new lessons in "roll with it" and "go for it". Sometimes we throw in the routine towel, and try something new.
Not always successful :-)
like you said...follow your gut
no parents are alike
no kids are alike
do what works for your family!
as long as kids are safe, loved and healthy, all is good.
(as for naps....I am big believer in it is not all what you do, but the personality you are dealing with. My first baby NEVER...and I mean NEVER napped...and my third took TWO THREE HOUR NAPS A DAY. I did nothing different. If your kid doesn't nap, it is not your fault. And if your kid does nap, PRAISE GOD!)
frederique- oh yes! loved hearing your take, especially since you're french! i think i feel some of our friends silently judge me based on how routine and firm we are. goodness, i try not to leave their house as much cause i don't want to interfere too much with their nap schedules. when they are thrown off, i am thrown off! or i think many also don't agree with our eating habits, though our kids do love eating higher nutrition foods but we also expose them to lower nutrition foods as well. we just limit the amount of low nutrition foods we give them.
ReplyDeletebut you are right, i don't think any particular group parenting style is better than another's. we are all just learning, managing, and adjusting with what we deem best for our families. and i definitely think me being a teacher has influenced the flow of our home as well.
laura- i like how you point out how we definitely have to work with the personalities of our children. so far, mine have been nappers with soul being the least, though she still goes for it. i think she is the least because she her big sisters don't have to nap, so why does she.
i do admire parents who are spontaneous though. they seem so relax and cool with it and that is also not an easy thing to do. i know some parents who are constantly taking their kids here and there and have the guts to do it. me, i just can't. i don't have the guts. i am too structured.
You sell yourself, four babes back to back, you are definitely a parenting expert for your children! I know my eldest was super flexible, happy to stay up, go out with friends sleep on a couch, anywhere. our younger daughter is a routine girl, loves going to bed at 7:30/8:00 and only likes to sleep in her bed - so we stick to that with her. If we don't, everyone suffers - so you do what works. When we do deviate from it we remember why we try not to!
ReplyDeleteWe run a nearly identical schedule at my house too. I have two boys 20 months and 6 months. My youngest is a bit harder to follow the routine but we are slowly getting there and am so thankful that past 8 o'clock mu husband and I finally get some baby free time.
ReplyDeleteMy family was a bit quick to judge my parenting and really think I am a prude and don't let my kids have fun. But like you said I know my kids best and I know what I need to be able to be on my A game with them. And thanks to routine and structure most days go rather smoothly.
It is always nice hear someone like minded in their parenting. Love your blog.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/josette-crosby-plank/french-parents-better_b_1281984.html
ReplyDeleteThought of this article after I read our post. :)
I thought this was so interesting to read, as it feels, at times, no one really does this anymore. Out of my 30-40 mom friends from church, college, whatever-- almost no one does this except me and one other friend (structured nap times/early bedtime/cry it out). I also found the comments interesting because it seems that many, MANY people DO follow this practice of structured alone/nap times, early bed times, etc. I feel this has become a negative thing now, at least that is how I feel with regards to how the media/internet portrays it. My husband and I have *never* regretted any of these decisions meanwhile our friends struggle with their children with constant battles with bedtime, alone time, sleeping through the night. That's NOT to say we haven't struggled at some point, but these choices early on and consistency has been a blessing to our family. Our children don't even think twice when it's time to get pjs on at 6:30 (starting to read, cuddle and in bed at 7) and my son is almost 5 and my daughter 3. They both also still get a 2 1/2-3 hour quiet time from 1-4PM every day. My son hasn't napped for years and my daughter has only recently stopped napping for the full 3 hours, but still does it every other day or so, or less frequent--but they still get that quiet time. This alone time has been integral for my sanity while being a stay at home parent. It refreshes me for the rest of the day, I can spend my time doing whatever I want or need to do (so I don't have to take away time from my 'real job' of taking care, teaching, etc. the kids), and I'm excited to see them again, and play, read, whatever after that time is up. It has also been an incredible blessing to their imagination--not an understatement. My son has figured out problems, practiced reading, and invented little play toys during quiet time including entire stories linking all his favorite toys--teddies! I also think the early bedtime has been a lifesaver time and time again between my husband and I. When we know we've got 2-3 solid hours for just each other--that good bonding time is an investment as it will trickle down into our parenting. I do think that families should do whatever works for them, but I often see friends struggle with burnout because they "never get time alone". I think if you start when they're little and it's a firm expectation, it's actually easier in the long run to get free time! Just like the cry-it-out method, imo: it's very intense for a short amount of time, and then you reap HUGE benefits (hello sleep, we all can't function properly without you!) for a LONG time. A parenting philosophy is only as good as it's service. If you're breaking your back trying to follow a certain aspect of parenting that is attractive, and yet nothing is improving, it's probably a good time to reflect on if it's working, and why one is striving to meet that expectation. We have total freedom in Christ to be the best parent we can be-we don't have to be married to a parenting philosophy that is making our burden, as parents, harder!
ReplyDeleteSarah M
whoa--sorry for the novel-it did not look that long in this little tiny comment box! haha.
ReplyDeleteSarah M
sarah m- you sound a lot like me! ;)
ReplyDeleteI am also a fan of the crying it out method, and it's not often that I see someone else who is out here in blog land! Short term pain, long term gain. We've gotten much less structured with our schedule over the past 6 months or so, and are in dire need of getting back to more of a routine. It makes such a difference in my childrens' (ages 2 and 3) behavior. I enjoy your blog Ruby, especially when you write about the ugly along with all the pretty! Thank you for being brave enough to share your reality!
ReplyDeleteI really love this blog, but.....I really hate those parenting books that compare one style to another or try to make it seem like one nationality or generation really "had it down!" It's all fiction if you ask me. First the Tiger Moms...now the French moms.....I mean, if it's entertaining, then read it, but I think that kind of stuff just stirs up false controversy and either makes people pat themselves on the back OR feel bad about themselves.
ReplyDeleteThat's only referring to the book, however. I do love your blog and seeing pics of your beautiful family!
I just discovered your blog earlier this week while watching Up All Night - interrupted by a Levi's commercial. I came over and read a bit, read your 'about page' and realized you are a seriously committed Christian?! That made me happy :)
ReplyDeleteI love structure too - it just makes everything smoother. I love a previous commenter tho who said if your kids don't nap, it's not your fault, and if they do, Praise God! haha my kids are terrible nappers and I praise God if we get a good one! I do enforce strict "quiet time" even if they aren't falling asleep anymore - for both our sanities.
sorry one more thing - I noticed in another post that you are friends with the owner/designer of Misha Lulu!! Misha Lulu has been my favorite children's clothes since I saw it on bkids a long time ago. I have yet to purchase anything - haven't seen in stores where I live :(
I picked up the same book after hearing the buzz about it online! Some of my family is European and I really notice a difference in the family dynamics there (some good/some bad of course). I have always been determined to not have my house overrun with toys and to have our kids respect "adult time" which I think is important. I'm very strict about manners and sticking to our routine, people also see me as too strict but it's best for the kids and our family as a whole, we just function better!
ReplyDeleteWe keep our kiddos on a good sleep schedule too. I think it is a huge blessing, and I would be lost without it! I've noticed a lot of dubious looks when I say they sleep for 12 hours at night:0)
ReplyDeleteWhen our now 6 year old son was born, we co slept for the first year or so, and he had no schedule and had to be soothed to sleep for over an hour every night. It was an extremely difficult and stressful time in our lives and I would never want to do that again. I have so much sympathy for parents that struggle with sleep issues.
It is one of the hardest things about being a new parent. I try to be supportive and give good solid advice when ever anybody asks! I don't like when people are judgemental because everybody is just doing the best they can:0)
I feel just the opposite - that everyone around me is "crying it out" and having sleep schedules and I am the only one helping my kid to sleep and just doing what comes naturally! I totally see how some families need structure, for me and my two year old going with the flow has just worked and I can count on one hand the number of nights of bad sleep that I've had in his 2 years of life. He recently transitioned very easily to sleeping in his own bed and has a short bedtime routine and now has a quite strict schedule that my husband and I find much less convenient. And I miss sleeping with him, it was a wonderful experience that I only ended to make room for baby #2. So I hate it when "schedule" moms act like they feel sorry for me because of all the extra hard work I must be doing. When attachment parenting works for the kid and family and their lifestyle it can be wonderful and very easy and freeing.
ReplyDeletePS - Nursing releases hormones in the mom to help her sleep and now that I am not nursing at night I am having sleep problems! Lots of benefits to attachment parenting.
My kids are 7 & 5 and I totally did the attachment parenting and with a little regret after I read the article on French parenting a few weeks ago! Both of my kids are very dependent on me and I created it. I picked them up at their first wince. I nursed on demand, never made them wait, etc. As far as kids go, they are pretty OK, for example, when we are in public and in restaurants. They are really well behaved. But when it comes to doing things on their own, it's always , "mom!" and when I tell them I can't or to do it on their own, they tend to whine. But since I read the article, I'm more aware of how much I do for them and I'm changing it. I really wish I had read it sooner. I think my daughter in particular would have benefited big time.
ReplyDeleteI love structure in our routine too and our boys function so much better with it. Early on in our parenting my husband and I realized that in order to maintain our relationship, it was necessary that our kids go to bed earlier rather than later. I used to feel guilty laying them down around 7 or 7:30 but the nights my husband and I don't get time together, really put a strain on the family as a whole. I love reading about your parenting style...it's always encouraging and honest!
ReplyDeleteOh Ruby I love your blog so much! I don't have children yet but many of my friends do and I find it so interesting to hear/see the kinds of parenting they practice. Some are really heavy on routine and some are so spontaneous. I really relish structure in my life, and think that when I have children (if I am lucky enough to have children) I would like if possible to have structure in their lives too, because I totally agree that a happy mummy means a happy child, and I get so stressed if things are all on the spur of the moment. Though I suppose you never know what will happen... I looked up the book you mentioned and there has recently been a book published here in the UK which sounds similar, called French Children Don't Throw Food, it is on my list of books I'd like to read; the reviews were fascinating. Anyway, thank you so much for writing from the heart, I always love coming to your blog every day and hearing about your gorgeous family.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte x
Hi Ruby,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to comment and say how much I enjoy your blog and seeing your family grow. I'm a blog stalker and don't usually comment, but I always appreciate the time you spend writing it all out and taking the pictures. As it turns out, yours is the only blog I read, now. I've dropped the other ten or so. Heh.
Anyway, I have three little boys, as opposed to your four little girls, so I get my girl fix from your blog. ;-)
Keep up the good work, and thanks for the inspiration! It's good to hear real stuff from people.
Monica
I am an attachment style parent who didn't let me children "cry it out" but did sleep train my children with a gentler method. I read the book "Goodnight, Sleep Tight" and slowly removed myself from their sleep routine. I personally found it more important to our family that my children felt supported and secure than to have quick results . It took a little bit longer but both of my boys (ages 2 and 7) sleep well on their own.
ReplyDeleteWe thrive on routine as well, with enforced naps and early bedtimes here too and both of my boys are great sleepers. I also make sure that the boys know that even though I am fully accessable to them at any time, that they must be respectful when asking for my attention. Both of them know that if they need me, that they have permission to come find me in the house and slip their hand in mine. No shouting "MOM" or demanding me. It's so nice to feel their hand hold mine and lead me to where they need me. I gladly stop what I'm doing to engage in their world. I believe that my children can decide when they want to eat snacks, they have access to food that is stored in the lower cabinets and grab food themselves throughout the day.
When we go out to eat, they both bring an "activity bag" with them and it keeps them out of trouble. If their body is not hungry then they play with their activity while we eat. It works out pretty well.
Our home is very child led yet we foster independence. I believe that our gentle structure has created an enviroment that is very respectful. I know that the children respect me because they feel respected.
I think it's pretty cool that the same parenting goals can be reached from two opposing parenting styles. What really matters is that a home be filled with love. I believe that discipline is a form of love but it can be enforced in gentle ways.
PS Sorry that I wrote a novella!
I have always been the most sponatneous person. My son is three now and I can see that when we have structure he is so much better but it does not come naturally to me- or my Husband so we really struggle on this. Bedtime is always 7 though and I try to have as much routine as possible... I just forget some days. It's making me laugh to write that.
ReplyDeleteI try and let him make choices rather than just telling him all the time. Obviously not the big things but involving him in meal choices/what he's going to wear/activities etc.
I never could get a two nap a day schedule right but my son is 6 and my daughter is 4 and they still sleep after lunch time every day (son not anymore as he is in big school and they dont thinks its neccessary which is nonsensea s he falls asleep in his food or becomes unbearably cranky in the evenings now but that cant be controlled anymore.) I have also been known to let them sleep at 3 or 4 in the afternoon and still get them up and back in bed by 7/7.30 (before by 6) to everyones suprise!! It can be done and it is so much better for everyone - well done!!
ReplyDeleteCute, cute, cute! I'd love on eof ttose cupcakes right now :)
ReplyDeletehttp://connecting4.com/
How interesting to read this today, I just wrote about sleep routine too.
ReplyDeleteWe do atatchment parenting here. Never felt confortable with crying out methods...
My baby was "hard". Then I discovered "hard babies" are called High Need Babies (I love dr Sears, he helped me A LOT, and he echoes my heart). Started reading about it an it all felt natural. After seeking for a natural birth (in my country the c-section rates are over 80%) the atatchemnt parenting just felt like a perfect continuum.
Lilla needed to be held a lot, from the begining. She would cry if left alone for a couple minutes. She was fussy just like my brother, when he was her age. My brother's experience was the most responsible for leading me out of crying out methods, because it didn't work well for him.
With Lilla being so similar to him, I took the cue to try something diferent. And it's working well!
She is far from being dependent. She really likes to play with other kids, she likes to try doing things on her own and she is really audacious. Her dependancy is what I find normal to her age (she is 30 months now). She needs help to fall asleep, to eat her whole meal, to take a bath... She is partially able to get dressed by her self, she is fully potty trained (day and night) She (now) knows how to play by herself, thought she really enjoys company and will ask for it many times a day.
She is well balanced, obedient and willing to cooperate. Tantrums are rare here in our house.
But the thing I cherish the most, and blame it on the atatchemnt thingy, is how empathic she is. She cannot see a kid crying, she will ask me why is the kiddo sad, she will go there an hug the crying kid, saying "it's ok, friend. It's ok!"
I find this too cute, and I think is a result of her experience on being understood.
But like you, we also have a routine, I follow this nap schedule: http://translate.googleusercontent.com/translate_c?hl=pt-BR&ie=UTF8&prev=_t&rurl=translate.google.com&sl=pt&tl=en&twu=1&u=http://solucoes.multiply.com/journal/item/1&usg=ALkJrhjkyx5xxqNjG3VumG6zK5G9vPRuwA
When she was younger, I would always be at home for her nap time. She couldn't fall asleep anywhere else, and a nap deprived baby always meant a cranky baby.
I do firmily believe that every parent knows the best for their own kid. And when we are trying our hardest and parenting with love, we are doing our best. Each one of us have our own particular way of doing it right!
Many hugs from Brazil!
hi ruby! i love, love, love your blog and i've been a silent avid reader :) i have a baby boy (will be 6 months this weekend!) and i've been leaning towards the attachment parenting style so far. we've been exclusively breastfeeding (solid feeding is coming really soon though!) and i nurse on demand. we're in the process of sleep training him with a gentler few-tears method. it's been okay so far. he wakes up around 1-2 times to nurse, but i'm hoping for a longer sleep stretch soon once the solid comes in :)
ReplyDeletei believe that every babies are different of course, but i'm just really impressed and intrigued to the result that you've achieved with your parenting style and sleep training. i can't believe the amount of sleep your girls have! would you mind sharing the details the kind of sleep training (CIO) you did with your babies? is it the ferber technique (put baby in crib awake, leave him in gradually longer time etc...)?
- xoxo, ivana (loveardently.com)
leigh and thalita- thank you for sharing your thoughts too! i so appreciate reading and trying to understand the other spectrum too!
ReplyDeleteThe cupcakes look yummy! We attachment/natural parent and certainly don't have "structure" but I do think a routine is very important. We have never done the "cry it out" method because, as Christians, it's not in line with our values. I have always wanted my daughter to know that I'm here whenever she needs me (gosh, especially as a little helpless baby), just as our Savior is whenever we need him (always). I could never let my baby cry alone in the other room as I cannot imagine Jesus ever doing that...would you let your mom or sisters or best friend cry alone in the other room without going to them and checking on them and trying to help?...I would assume not. I also believe it does nothing to help stregthen the trust and bond between parent and child (quite the opposite actually)...and honestly, anytime I hear parents discuss why they do it - it's always for THEMselves - which is, well...quite selfish in my opinion. I don't see how letting a baby cry alone in the other room is ever truly better for the BABY. Sorry Ruby, I love you and really love your blog, and I respect you and think you truly are one incredible mama with a family that adores you, it just makes me sad to see fellow believers CIO. :(
ReplyDeletefirst of all, i don't mean to butt in :) i'm a fellow believers and attachment-parent too and i've never really think of it like you mention (Jesus is always there when we need Him), so thanks for that! :)
Deletehowever, parenting is such a sensitive topic and i just want to remind you that everyone is different. there is no right or wrong about it. what works for her might not work for you and vice versa. ruby is just doing what's best to her knowledge for her family. she did mention that her kids get so cranky when they don't have enough sleep. i believe every mom knows her kids best and does what is best for them. it is true that God is always there for us but sometimes, God does "let us cry" so we can learn.
also, there is a lot of rumor about the CIO method. the real Ferber method actually requires the parent to check in on babies every now and then, with gradually longer period each time. (http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc?page=2#articlesection3)
i did try the ferber method (not exactly) but i really don't have the heart for the cry, so we are doing it in a gentler way :) i do respect other parents who decide to sleep train with CIO though.
just my two cents :)
Your "mother or sister or best friend" has words to express how they are feeling. Babies can't say what they are feeling, so they use the same thing--crying-- to express frustration or anger or pain. My daughter would get angry that she had to learn how to sleep but all she could do was cry. She would actually get more upset when we went in to comfort her. She didn't want us to pick her up. Have you ever felt sad or frustrated and then realized there was a greater lesson later on and God was letting you "cry it out" so to speak? Have you never felt frustrated or sad? If so, I guess God does "rescue" you, but I doubt that's true. God lets us learn our own lessons sometimes without intervening. Both my kids sleep from 6-7:15 solid every night and I'm convinced it's because they were taught to sleep. Sometimes we get upset as we learn things and as I said, the only way that babies can express upset is through crying.
DeleteRuby, I'm glad to hear of other people who adhere to structure so much. Sometimes I feel like we're the only ones and I do feel a little bad that we aren't spontaneous. But there will be time for that when they are older!
I have a four month old (my first) and I am curious about how you set up your routine with a baby. I think we would both feel better with more of a schedule, but I have been struggling with how to actually do it. Sometimes he sleeps through the night until 6ish, but other times he wakes around 4am for a feed then sleeps until 8am. So the inconsistent wake times mean each day is different from the beginning! Also, he can barely stay awake for two hours at a time during the day before being ready for a nap. I am breastfeeding only, so I also find it challenging to coordinate naps and feeding. Were your babies on a set feeding schedule at this age, or just naps? I would love some input on how to set up our day and what realistic expectations are for a baby this age!
ReplyDeleteI can understand needing to have kids cry it out sometimes so they know they can't get their own way. There is certainly a time to just hold them close and comfort them, but there are those times where it is understandable. There is a difference between letting them cry it out in those situations compared to people who just let them always cry it out and never check up on them and end up neglecting them, and it seems doubtful you are that type of person.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying this book as well :)
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