BREATHING

Breathe. These past days have taught me to take more breaths. When I feel frustration starting to set in, I separate myself from the kids and just take a few deep breaths. When they start fighting and I want to yell back, I take more breaths. I sit here, super sleep deprived and tired, thinking about it all and how each new day and each breathe (along with every prayer) is growing me and our family towards that new normal.

I have a mess on the dining table, a good mess because it is a school mess, a big mess of toys in the guest bedroom, badly stained carpet, a kitchen floor that hasn't been mopped in a month, a craft area that looks like a tornado blew through, and more little piles of messes everywhere. I so badly want to clean it all, but there are other things more pressing... like cuddling my little Glow, trying to get Soul to say funny things, doing a little reading with the big girls, or even popping in Sound of Music for the kids to watch, so this sleep deprived mama can sneak in a nap. I have never been a nap person, but this fourth child has changed all that!

What things help you get through the day? Another thing that helps me is wearing the little one around the house. Babywearing is truly wonderful!

I'M MESSY

This is what my little studio/crafting area looks like. It's been like this for a couple months. I just don't know where to start and I have been holding out for some pretty vintage cabinet to house my fabric, but I still haven't found one, so I had Ben bring out a rack from the garage to do the job until I find one. I am working slowly at getting this clean because I want me and the girls to be able to use this space for art projects and school. Just add this to my while-the-babies-are-sleeping-to-do list!

Good thing is that it was functional enough that I did get to sew a little ring pillow for my friend's wedding this Saturday. I did have to do some digging to find what I need, but I came out alive!

The bride told me to just use gray and white or burlap. I opted for the burlap cause that sounded a bit different and I mixed it with a wool felt flower, my mind is drawing a blank for the type of fabric on the leaves, and a little twine to tie the rings together (that's not the real ring). It's cute and simple and I love how it turned out! Hope you like it Taylor and Melody!

Speaking of weddings, my sister and her fiance's engagement was featured at forget me knot weddings and it all came out super cute, you could see it all here and here.

OUT TO SCHOOL: WEEK FIVE

{from where again? shirt: gifted; pants: misha lulu; shoes: superga via gilt; lunchbag: built.}

Today was a crazy morning because it is True's go to school day. While Ben made his own lunch, fed all the girls breakfast, and took care of their potty needs, I still had wake up early to get all of us girls dressed and out of the house. At her school, she needs to be walked to the playground in the mornings and I really don't dare leave the rest of the kids in the car alone, so we have to look somewhat presentable when taking her. And yes, right before we left home and while all the other three girls were buckled in the car, True and I still managed to snap some pictures. It's part of the routine too, you know.

FIRST DAY ALONE

I survived.

Ben had a later start at work, so that help alleviate some morning stress and I got to sleep in a tiny bit. Around noon, all of us girls bid our main man farewell and then it was just me against them. Well, they were fed lunch, Soul was put to nap, reading was done (with a lot of frustration on my end, I just need to be more patient), and they were even fed dinner. I guess with all that was said and done, today wasn't too shabby.

Here is what I learned: 1) Storyline Online is a great tool for the girls to hear stories while I am feeding Glow (or attending to business stuff). 2) Watching She-Ra also helps keep the girls occupied while I am feeding Glow. 3) Glow and Soul napping at the same time helps get some schooling done. 4) It's okay if we only did reading today. 5) Friends who come over with dinner, a little gift for Glow, and their kids to entertain my kids is good for my sanity (Thanks O and Neen!). 6) God answers prayers because all is well and the girls were even in bed by 7:35pm. Thanks friends for praying!

Day one down and many more to go. I am feeling tired and my body is a bit more sore today than the previous days, but every day that passes will helps us get into a new rhythm as a family of six. Once we find that rhythm, days will be much more on tune than it was today.

THEM FOUR

Tomorrow it's just me and them. I am really nervous for me and I think Ben is really nervous for me (or maybe more for them). I have been thinking about some of the verses you have shared and I probably should put them on post-its and scatter them around the house so I will be reminded throughout the day. I definitely need fighter and comfort verses.

If you do remember, please do pray for me. I will definitely need it. I am by no means a perfect mother and my need to control (and failure to let God) gets the best of me most of the time, which also robs me the joy of serving God through my children. If there was a Control Freak Anonymous, I would be the first to be at the podium...

Hello. My name is Rubyellen and I am a control freak.

Learned and links...

- My love for ketchup (and onions) is coming back and I am liking burgers again. Yum.

- I need something sweet to eat after every meal. Preferably chocolate.

- Glow is an eater, more like a drinker, and is gaining weight nicely. This week we will check the prognosis of her jaundice.

- Soul has been finicky with foods of late.

- Ben really is the best (Yup, you Ben!). He has completely taken over everything these past few weeks and his presence will really be missed while his days will now be spent at work and not at home. I am thinking he may do better as a stay home dad than I do as a stay home mom.

- I have nothing to wear to a wedding this Saturday as my body is still in that weird postpartum filled with lots of milk stage. Melody, are sweats an option?!

- I like this bag, these shoes, and these wedges.

- This DIY is rad.

- I want to eat these. Actually, I was about to make some when I realized I had no flour and butter.

- Oh! And I need to do kegels in a major way. Let's just say I made an accident and for a minute I thought my water broke, but then realized that I already had the baby. Oy! Now I know what it feels like to be a toddler.

Ah... tomorrow is Monday!

NERVES

And just like that her little left over cord fell off.

And just like that on Monday I will begin navigating my days alone. Alone! I am so nervous. I wasn't so much so when Soul was born and I had to care for three, but now it's four. FOUR! Not only four, but four that are so close in age! And not only that, but I am also homeschooling. I think I am crazy, don't you?!! Yes, I'm concvinced I'm crazy!

I wish Ben had another week off. Two and a half weeks was nice and we definitely plan to use more family time off later, but Monday he heads back. I am really kinda scared, so scared I think I might cry. I have heard before that when you go from 2 to 3, you definitely feel it and that going from 3 to 4 ain't that bad. Well, I think 3 to 4 is pretty darn hard!

I need to chill out about having a clean house. I need to relax when teaching the girls how to read. I need to take deeper breathes. Maybe I should put myself in hypnosis all day long. Kidding, well, kinda. Mostly, I need to pray and rely on God more. That is the key to getting through the everyday, is it not?

Oh me oh my, Monday is one day away!

VINTAGE TOY STROLLER REDO

I purchased this vintage stroller off ebay eons ago with the intention of fixing it up. Well, True got a vintage stroller from her Auntie Linda last Christmas and of course Brave started to want her own, so I knew that this stroller would come in handy when her birthday came around. The frame of it was in fantastic condition, though I did think about spray painting it white, but decided against it. On the other hand, the seat part was an ugly vinyl that had been taped and stapled on. This was the part that had to go!

I pretty much just tore the vinyl off the frame and it was an easy enough shape to recreate another. The tough part was figuring out what fabric to use as I still wanted it to have a vintage look.

Then, I remembered another ebay purchase I had made which was a vintage child deck chair. I loved the stripes and the day it came in we were so excited about it, but True decided to stand in the seat and "RRRRRIPPP" it went! Now the chair needs a new fabric seat, but the torn one would do perfectly for the stroller. Off I went seam ripping the thing off.

Mind you, the fabric from the deck chair is very old, so to make it a bit sturdier I backed it with some natural canvas and added buttonholes to be able to attach the seat onto the frame.

And, "Voila!" We have a perfectly cute, vintage toy stroller ready to be gifted to our Brave!

Her birthday was in August when we had the "Camp Out", so she has been enjoying this since then (just finally getting around to posting it). She was extremely delighted to have her own little stroller to tote all her dolls. True and Brave now push their vintage strollers together and they fight about them together too. Even if each girl has their own, they still manage to fight about them. Go figure!

HER FIRST WEEK

Everyday she is changing bit by bit. We love her soooo much!!!

SPONSORS FOR OCTOBER

October is right around the corner, so if you are interested in becoming a Cakies sponsor, just email me for stats and rate information. Sponsorship is a great way to get your shop or blog out there!

OUT TO SCHOOL: WEEK FOUR

{from where again? dress: vintage gifted from rachel; belt: another dress; moccasins: freshly picked.}

I am a horrible braider. The girls always want them, but I can't do them very well, so when Grandmama was here, the girls were having a grand time with Grandmama braiding their hair everyday. Grandmama left, but she left True with a pair of pretty braids. The next day, we all didn't mind that they were slightly messy from the day before and off to school she went with day old braids.

A CELEBRATION

Two things I craved the most while pregnant, but couldn't eat or drink was sushi and beer. Last night, Ben and I were finally able to carve out some quiet time and celebrate the birth of our littlest love together. How did we celebrate? A movie and some indulging in our favorite sushi and some (non-alcoholic) beer. I like to start off slowly.

Okay, maybe I threw in some macarons and triple chocolate bundt cake in for dessert. This was a celebration after all!

Ben's mom left yesterday and we are finally feeling the reality of having four kids. We were out and about at doctor visits and errands yesterday and it is no easy feat getting all the kids in and out of the house and in the car. Craziness I tell you! I am sure there will soon be a time when we will have to go eat at a restaurant with all of them and that no doubt will be insane as well. Going from three to four definitely ain't easy, but it is quadruple the joy!

NEW BEST FRIENDS

Oh dearie, hope you don't mind how this space will be inundated with lots of baby gushing for a long while. Baby gushing is what everyone in our house is doing all day long, especially Soul.

HUZZAH, FRIDAY (ON SATURDAY)!

And just like that, our lives have changed and now this family has definitely got a Glow!

This week's learned and links...

- Soul loves being a big sister and all of a sudden she talks a whole lot more.

- True and Brave have such a vivid imagination and can go on and on role playing for hours!

- Man oh man. I forgot how much work breastfeeding is.

- Giving birth without drugs can be done. It is hard work, but very doable.

- I am loving having four little girls! And so is Ben.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Ours is full of resting, sleeping in, more afternoon naps, and a whole lot of Jane Austen movies while I feed the baby (thanks to Ben's mom has been so kind to lend a helping hand with the bigger girls).

FOUR

Once there was three... and then there were FOUR!!!

The girls are doing so well with Glow. Soul is the most animated about it all and Glow is the only name she will say. She doesn't even say Brave or True! I was really worried about how she would do with having a new baby around, but Soul is absolutely loving the new role she has been given! Every morning, she wants to see her and talk to her and usually, wherever Glow is, is where she wants to be. I think she found herself a new partner!

Things are well here. I am trying to nap when I can, Ben's mom has been wonderful handling the older two girls, Ben has been under the weather so sadly hasn't held Glow since we came home from the hospital, Glow is glowing with all the love she is being given, and we are all just trying to find a new rhythm to our days. Though, I think it will be a bit of time until that rhythm becomes steady.

I have so much to say and write and record from these past few days, and I am sure all these emotions and memories will trickle into a post soon. The thing most of you may be curious about is how birthing went and I have a flood of emotions attached to that isn't quite ready to make it out of my heart, but I will say this... hypnobirthing is a wonderful way to birth. Until then, thank you all for the love you all have been sending and continue to send!