beware: a text heavy post below.
So, our plans of finally going on Ben's birthday adventure this weekend got thwarted. The reason? A fight with Ben and a mommy meltdown.
First, the fight. Ben and I really don't fight much, our whole 3 years of dating we only had one fight. You see, Ben would get sick often (he got shingles in his mid-twenties and his immune system has been weaker since then) and I couldn't understand, so I'd immediately get frustrated and moody. I couldn't understand why he couldn't just "suck it up"! Obviously, we worked it out and I decided that I would learn to be more loving when he is sick.
Now, that we are married there are just a few things that cause a fight and one is still the sick thing. (Side note: I don't want you to think he gets sick often, cause praise God his immune system has been so much stronger these past few years, but sometimes when he does, I am not the most loving.) Though he says I have been getting better the past few years, but my moodiness last week just through him for a loop. Me too!
New Year's eve he started feeling sick and well, we didn't have our annual dance party because of it and well, that didn't put me in the best of moods, so I went to bed at 8:30pm. No joke! On New Year's Eve! Lame, I know. Fast forward to this past Friday and he's still sick and I was just frustrated and cranky. I think coupled with being so stressed 'cause True and Brave were driving me a bit nuts and I hadn't had any alone time, it was just all building up inside.
So, when Ben comes home from work on Friday night, certain things started and we just ended up fighting. He had expectations, I had expectations, and we just weren't on the same page. We are normal, it happens! Then, I am mad and just start crying (maybe yelling too) and blubbering about how tired and frustrated I am, yada yada...
Saturday morning comes, he is in no mood to go on a birthday adventure, we have a "heart to heart". He prays, we talk, and after a long while, finally the hard hearts start to go down. But trust me, after a very long while. We both ask for forgiveness, totally not an easy thing to do (and still takes awhile for my heart to be into it), but it does happen eventually. Then, I make him "chase" me, which is code for wanting him to hug me for a really long time.
Basically, I know I was wrong for not being loving when he is sick. It is something I know I struggle with, but I think as a woman, when we don't feel well, we don't say anything and press on because things have to get done and we just shake whatever we have off. I just have to understand that Ben's different.
Also, we both now know that I need a bit more alone time. I honestly felt so exhausted being a mom and wife, not that I don't love my roles, but it really is so hard! It is not an easy job!!! I really felt like escaping to get a hotel in Palm Springs by myself or even going back to work! Ha! I just needed to be by myself! I just was so mentally, physically, emotionally done!!!
Thus, after our talk on Saturday morning, he said for me to go out and do whatever I wanted. So I mapped out some thrift stores I wanted to visit and went out for an afternoon of alone time. It was so nice. Really nice! I was still tired, but it gave me time to think and just relax a bit.
Last on my outing list was making a stop at my parents' house. I walked in the door, from upstairs my mom said, "Ruby, what's wrong? Why you here?" Kinda like she knew, I think moms have that power. I went straight upstairs to where my mom was and just threw myself on her bed and started crying and crying and crying. My mommy just kept rubbing my head and back and it felt so nice! As I was crying, I was just saying "This is hard and I am tired." I think I cried for like 30 minutes, but it was what I needed. She gave me some encouraging words and lots of hugs. Then, I went downstairs with her to find chocolate and my dad said, "What's wrong?" and I started crying some more and I got more hugs. After which, I indulged in some snacks and red velvet cake and chocolate!
After my cry-fest at my mom's, I felt so much better! I remember being out thrifting that afternoon and just wanting my mom (and dad) to hug me! Then, I went home and was ready to be mommy and wife again! Something my mom said to me that stood out was, "Have you been spending time with God?" And I said, "Not really." She said, "Well, there's the problem. You are trying to do it all by yourself and not relying on God." True that, mom. True that!
Some good reminders (not in order of importance): 1. Being loving towards Ben always, for better or worse, right? 2. I need to be alone from time to time. 3. Plan time reading God's word and praying daily. 4. Getting a hug from your parents is sometimes necessary. 5. And if plans don't happen like you wanted, don't stress out over it!
Whew! Sorry if I overloaded you. You come here and see lots of happy things, but that isn't me (or us) all the time. Hopefully, you can find encouragement in the pretty parts of our life and in the not so pretty parts too!
Hope your weekend was filled with a little less crying than mine!
p.s. i did find some good things thrifting.